"She laughs to herself. The man is such a fool. She will enjoy what happens next. And Realizing that she weeps"...The Dark Phoenix Saga

NOTE: Before you start to read this story it is advisable that you have already read the Dark Phoenix Saga. If you have not...well Jean Grey was consumed by the Phoenix before she committed suicide to preserve life on Earth, because if she remained Phoenix she knew that she would destroy everything she once held dear. This story is written in Jean's point of view...thus first person, so if you don't like that style you may want to read no further.

*period of Dark Phoenix Saga*

I look out at the world differently since that day in the past that so many remember...the day I had been near death...so they thought...how little they had known. I was merely a woman then...not a God...not like the being I have now become. I have been through much of late...how much more can my sanity take I ask myself as I stare into the depths of my own eyes. The mirror stares back at me reflecting the woman so many see...the red hair, the green eyes, the curvy figure that I had gotten compliments on my whole life...but no one saw the changes...no one knows what I have now become. Am I glad??? Am I horrified??? I simply do not know anymore. The unknown...the dark...these things have always scared me. Then why am I excited about losing to the things that always terrified me the most? I am confused, and a portion of me...the portion that I am terrified of...is apathetic...it doesn't care so long as it gets more power. The Proffessor doesn't even know...he thinks I'm better now...he thinks he is as powerful as he needs to be to save me from myself. If he only knew. I hid much from him in that time he spent in my mind...that I enjoyed the pain and suffering I brought to so many. The final moments of thier lives will always haunt my nightmares and my deepest desires...I realize that now. I can feel the darkness...the power...rise within me and know that I can not...will not win, and yet I fight on. Why??? I do not know...perhaps it is pride or some other faulty human emotion, but that is the point is it not...it is a HUMAN emotion. A God would just give in and embrace the power that was offered, but I am not a God...am I??? Will I die if they find it necessary to kill me, or will I merely BECOME. Become what??? My mind is a mass of confusion and agony, so I push it to down into the deepness of my soul as far as I can...along with the power...the portion of me that is still sane doesn't want it to take control...not ever again. I instead smooth down the green dress that still somehow fits me...not the other me...the human me...and I prepare to do battle.

I fight along with my friends for my life. I can not say why they are fighting for me...they all know what I did. Especially the man that fights by my side. I look into his visored eyes and fleetingly wonder if I asked, would he run off with me to some distant planet to live out the rest of our lives together. I know the answer before I can even think to ask him through the link that bonds us...he would. He would drop it all for the emotion humans...I mean we...know as love. I don't even realize what I am doing as I reach out with a small portion of the power I hold so tenuously and brush my mind across his. The impressions from his mind fill me. I see for a moment what HE sees when he looks at me and I am for a moment shocked. He KNOWS...he knows all of what I am. He felt and saw those people die with me and yet he fights for me still...convinced that I am strong enough to defeat this. I almost weep with the knowledge that he is wrong...I am not that strong. I can not fight the power every moment of my life...eventually I shall give in and then...then something will happen.

When I see him struck down and killed I feel his mind being ripped away from me. I don't even think about what I am doing. I react with all there is in me. I scream in fury and agony and fleetingly hear an echo of the power inside myself. Knowing that I have the power to save the man I love I do not even hesitate. I dive into the power I tried to hold at bay and reaching out watch in a sort of shock as I smash the boulder that had crushed him into particles of dust. I lean by him, holding his soul with the power of the God I have become and slash out with a fiery wing. I hold him within me...our souls for a moment in time one, as I rebuild the body below me...seeing it for the cells and fragility that it is. I then scream again as I rip his mind from mine and force it back into that body, healing the wounds I made by the action before he can even begin to comprehend what I have done. I then get up stare in fury at the ship above me...a part of me screaming at myself to stop what I am doing. I instead fight...fight the beings trying to kill me and fight myself at the same time. I enjoy inflicting pain and at the same time I hear the annoying voice saying that this is wrong...that I am human. I don't believe that for a minute...did I just not recreate life...is that not the final show of Godhood...these lower life forms are nothing to my power...they are destroyed so easily. When I come face to face with...the man...recognition snaps into place. He is Scott...I'm Jean aren't I??? Oh God I scream...what am I??? I look down at the costume I had created when I came back from the shuttle and see the blood red color of the fabric...no...that was my sobconsciousness telling me that I had lost. I shake my head in denial and hear myself, the voice coming from a mortal throat that it was happening too fast. I fight against the impulses flashing wildly through my mind...images of recreating the universe to my whim...of destroying and recreating life if I wish. I finally can take it no more and do what my humanity is screaming at me to do...I run. I can hear Scott in close pursuit, but I have one objective while my humanity remains intact...I must stop that voice of destruction...I must prove that I am still human!!! Seeing the gun I realize that part of me had already made this decision and I weep inwardly at what I am about to do to the man I love. Not knowing how much longer I am going to last I turn to face him and stop him in his tracks, reaching out with a portion of my mind to turn on the gun. It screams to life as I try to explain to Scott why I must do this...the voices are too loud...the powers too strong, but he will not listen and finally I can not explain it to him any longer. The voice is getting stronger, the powers pushing to be released. I turn to the gun and proclaim my love to Scott...knowing he will never know on how many levels a human can not reach that I do love him. He had been my sanity, my serenity, and a good portion of my heart and soul in the moments we were one...and I realized how much MORE he was. I hear the voice in my mind, but instead focus on the memories of Scott and I together as the blast encompasses me. There is no pain...just a feeling of being as I let the powers and the voice inside of me free with a fierce joy...they can not win now. I scream in an agonized joy and then...nothingness.