EOG - Issue 4 - Keebler's "Harvest Bakery" Crackers

Product: Chicken Of The Sea Tuna Salad Kits
Manufacturer: Chicken Of The Sea International, A Div Of Tri-Union Seafoods, L.L.C.

OK, once upon a time, as Americans, we found it really necessary to
start working our butts off. And our food industry, in their spirit to
make things as convenient, quick, and palatable as possible,
started giving us things like canned pastas, TV dinners, canned meats,
canned fish, and all the rest of the easily and or instantly prepared
foods that we see on our shelves today. But, sometimes it seemed
that in their zeal to make things convenient, they came up with stuff
that is simplified to the point that it almost insults our intelligence.

Now, some of these items are a good idea. Some people are always
so quick to jump on the whole " salad-in-a-bag" product line that came
out a few years ago. As a bachelor, don't often have the time or the
opportunity to chop vegetables and chop lettuce and get all the little
ingredients ready to go into a salad. For one thing, I normally eat
alone, and I'm not one to go nuts chopping vegetables just for a little bowl of salad. Secondly, even if I was inclined to do that, I'd have to have so many ingredients in my fridge that I'd have to go on and all-salad diet for days just to get all the damn ingredients finished and out of the refrigerator before they go funky sitting in my vegetable-crisper-cum-sludgetank for those few days. Therefore, salad-in-a-bag is a very practical product for someone like me. But I still can cook very well on my own and and shocked when I see some overly simplistic food item packaged up and marketed as " cuisine for dummies" .

Case in point, the boxed Tuna Salad Kit now being put out by Chicken Of The Sea. Come on, how difficult and tuna salad be to prepare? You grab a bowl, open the can, put in some mayo and someone gives Charlie the tuna the bad news. Sure, if you want to be fancy, you can bang in some chopped celery, maybe some eggs, and a sprinkle of seasoning salt and, Bravo, you're the resident tuna stud. But really, folks, this isn't nuclear physics were talking about ... it's freaking tuna fish! I find it amazing that we have to dumb down one of the easiest possible recipes in the American menu. And before you start banging on me and trying to throw my salad-in-a-bag argument back in my face, it will not work. It is a lot less inconvenient to open a small can of tuna that it is to hack up a large head of lettuce (and the other various and sundry salad-ables like cucumbers, tomatoes, and things of the like). Plus, opened tuna keeps much better in the fridge then sliced salad goodies. OK?

Back to our newfangled tuna salad kit. Here's how it works:
You open the box containing all the Tuna-bles. You then fetch a bowl to be used in the mixing of said Tuna-bles. Out of the box you will be taking three pouches; the pouch containing the tuna, the one with the mayonnaise, and the one with the seasonings. In goes the mayonnaise, followed by the tuna, and then the seasonings. Mix it all up, grab some bread, and behold, insta-lunch is beckoning you. Of course, if you had a can of tuna, a jar of mayonnaise, and shakers of McCormick celery salt, you would achieve the same effect.

Enough ranting, how does this stuff taste? Not bad, not bad at all.

I must admit that when I opened the hermetically NASA-sealed packet of insta-tuna, I was taken a bit aback. Obviously, they are not going to be "pouching up" the primo white albacore in water for you. This stuff seems the lowest rung of the economy-priced, canned-in-oil almost-cat-food product line, discoloration and all (to be honest, it kind of looks like salmon with a pigmentation disorder...of course, what would you call cat food with a pigmentation disorder, Tender Vittle-igo?). And a preparation note, the tuna is really tough to get out of the pouch. You really have to do work with that little pouch to squeeze out as much of that tuna as you can.

As for the other ingredients go, that depends on which Tuna Salad Kit you buy. There are two kits available on your grocer's shelves as we speak. One kit is the mayonnaise and onion flavor variation, the other one uses reduced-fat mayonnaise.

The mayonnaise and onion variety is not bad at all. I know I probably scared you with my description of the tuna that they use in these kits, but once it's all mixed together, it's quite palatable and I'd scarf it up any time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to buy a pallet of the stuff to stock up for the holidays or anything, but if you're in a hurry, it's a halfway decent purchase.

This recommendation, however, does not extend to the reduced-fat mayonnaise version of this product. What you gain in healthy-points, you more than lose in taste. Not a good trade-off at all, and the reduced fat mayo just doesn't cut it.

This product is basic and convenient, albeit unremarkable. Considering that I am counting off points for product appearance, one rather poor flavor variety, and the fact that this product is a strong example of abuse of the TTNT principle, I'm only giving this product two chips up.